Thursday, June 9, 2016

Losing You (a novelette)

           I used to think I couldn't go a day without your smile. Without telling you things and hearing your voice back.
         Then, that day arrived and it was so damn hard but the next was harder. And I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse and I wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.
           Because loving someone isn't an occasion or an event. It doesn't happen once. It happens over and over again. I love you every time. Whenever that one song plays on the radio; when I saw that character you love the most, or I passed through a McDonald's shop.
          I love you every time I think of kissing you, holding you or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin to lose you all over again.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

I Don't Want A Lover, I Want A Best Friend.

It sounds beautiful, doesn’t it? Finding a lover. A person to kiss. A person to go on dates with. A person whose hand you squeeze during scary movies. A person to open your life to, give your heart to, who you can see yourself with, years and years down the road.

But finding that person is scary.

There’s so many rules and restrictions in today’s dating world. A ‘lover’ is supposed to be attractive and sexy and enticing and reliable and romantic and everything we’ve ever dreamed of, right? He/she’s supposed to be this perfect person. But perfection in love? That’s not real. And finding a flawless, completes-me type of person? Impossible. (Thank goodness, because none of us would make the cut.)

That’s why I don’t want something perfect. And why I don’t want a lover. I want a best friend.

I want someone I can be completely myself around. I want to wake up in the morning, hair all sleepy and messy around my face, makeup off, baggy t-shirt on, and not feel like I have to be anything I’m not.

I want someone to laugh with. To stay up late with and talk about dreams. To go on adventures with, big or small. To sip wine and make breakfast together, and feel like we know every little thing about each other’s lives.

I want someone I can talk to openly, fearlessly, about my biggest regrets and future plans. Someone who I can trust. Someone who will be there for me, no matter what, and I’ll return the favor. Someone I can chow down on family size McDo fries with (if there is any), someone I can just sit on the couch with and not say anything, but simply enjoy each other’s company.


See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically.

I want a best friend. Someone I can tease, go out drinking with, or stay in and binge-watch Prison Break with. Someone who will give me a genuine compliment when I look my best, but will honestly tell me when I look like sh*t and need to get my butt off the couch.

I want someone who knows all my inner secrets, drama, and proudest moments. Who will go places with me, or take me to dinner and actually talk about things that matter. Who won’t always have to be in charge, have to pay, have to be the one to plan things. But will still do those things sometimes, just because.

I want someone who will make me laugh, drive me nuts, piss me off, but still be my best friend.

And I want to fall head over heels for this best friend.

See, I think the world has it all wrong. Love isn’t about finding the perfect person, about finding a lover. I think love is all about finding your best friend. Someone who you’re compatible with on so many levels, not just romantically. (Because that mushy-gushy, intimate stuff will come naturally. Don’t worry.)

I want a best friend—someone I love, yes, but more importantly, someone I can truly know. And someone who knows me, inside and out, flaws and quirks and all my weirdness (let's include that spoiler thing of me), yet still chooses to be mine.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Stand and Deliver

Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
 

 

Student: Yes, sir.

 

 

Professor: So, you believe in God?

 

 

Student: Absolutely, sir.

 

 

Professor: Is God good?

 

 

Student: Sure.

 

 

Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?

 

 

(Student was silent)

 

 

Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?

 

 

Student: Yes.

 

 

Professor: Is Satan good?

 

 

Student: No.

 

 

Professor: Where does Satan come from?

 

 

Student: From.. God.

 

 

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

 

 

Student: Yes.

 

 

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

 

 

Student: Yes.

 

 

Professor: So who created evil?

 

 

(Student didn’t answer)

 

 

Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

 

 

Student: Yes, sir.

 

 

Professor: So, who created them?

 

 

(Student had no answer)

 

 

Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?

 

 

Student: No, sir.

 

 

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.

 

 

Student: No, sir.

 

 

Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?

 

 

Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

 

 

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

 

 

Student: Yes.

 

 

Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

 

 

Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.

 

 

Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

 

 

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

 

 

Professor: Yes.

 

 

Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?

 

 

Professor: Yes.

 

 

Student: No, sir, there isn’t.

 

 

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)

 

 

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

 

 

(There was a pon-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)

 

 

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

 

 

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

 

 

Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

 

 

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?

 

 

Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

 

 

Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?

 

 

Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

 

 

Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.

 

 

Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

 

 

(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)

 

 

Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

 

 

(The class was in uproar)

 

 

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

 

 

(The class broke out into laughter)

 

 

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?


 

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)

 

 

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.

 

 

Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!

 

 











----------------------------------------------------

 

 

That student was Albert Einstein. <3

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

I have a Facebook problem



The problem is, I love Facebook. I love posting about my day, connecting with friends near and far, and seeing the funny/crazy/sweet things people share. But I also hate Facebook, for being such a time suck, for making me feel bad about myself when other people’s lives seem so much more exciting than mine, and for leading me to spend more time interacting with a screen than with the real world. And when I log off Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are there clamoring for my attention, a never-ending scroll of links and tweets and photos and conversations that feels impossible to keep up with. A few weeks ago, I’d had it. It seemed like social media was bringing me more guilt and frustration than happiness. So I decided to go on a fast, starting immediately.

Here’s what I’ve learned:


Cold turkey was the way to go
I’ve made attempts to cut down before, setting rules like “Only check Facebook after praying and doing your breakfast” or “Only check Instagram during lunch” or when I came back to work. But one quick check in the morning always turned into needing to get back on at 11am to see if anyone commented on that one post, which turned into composing witty replies to those comments, which turned into OMG I haven't done with my to-do's yet! I had no self-control. Cutting myself off from social media completely was the only way to ensure I’d stay honest. I even deleted the Facebook app from my phone.

The FOMO wasn’t as bad as I’d feared
Yes, I missed a bunch of birthdays, and yes, I would have missed the news of a former coworker’s engagement if another friend hadn’t seen the post and clued me in (thanks, Camille!). But to my surprise, even from day 1 of my fast, I didn’t feel like I was truly missing out on anything. My best friend from high school texted me cute pictures of her 2-year-old. I caught up with people over email or even on the phone (remember that?). I checked my favorite news sites for the day’s headlines. I was good.
What I wasn’t getting: constant updates about the awesome vacations people were taking (making me feel like a boring homebody), or the IMPORTANT POLITICAL THING WE SHOULD ALL TAKE ACTION ON NOW that inevitably devolved into a nasty name-calling flame war (making me feel tired). I didn’t miss any of that at all.
Facebook, on the other hand, seemed to think I was missing out big-time. Since day 3 of no Facebook, I’ve been getting increasingly desperate daily emails.


I was way more productive
I had never realized how often during the workday I clicked on Facebook out of sheer habit—I caught myself typing in the URL on autopilot way too many times that first Facebook-free day. But the real shocker was how much more I got done at home, when my evenings no longer disappeared into a black hole of sitting on the couch scrolling through my feeds. I read actual books! I made a quilt! I worked out! It was almost embarrassing how much time I suddenly had on my hands.

I was more present
When I wasn’t constantly thinking about how to describe every moment in a perfect tweet or status update, I got to actually live the moment. I took pictures of my day just for me, rather than for a filtered-and-framed Instagram shot. When my friends and I had a dinner, I savored the experience for itself, not for how good it would make me look when I posted about it.

I might be cured of my Facebook addiction
I stayed on total social media blackout for two full weeks. Then I decided to let myself hop back on Instagram once, to post a photo of my mother's 52nd birthday. A few days later, I started sending out a few tweets. But Facebook… oh, Facebook, you ultimate time-suck. I was really worried that I would get back on Facebook and immediately fall back into my old ways. Was it even possible for me to use Facebook in a healthy way?
Last night I got on Facebook, for the first time in more than three weeks. I scrolled through my feed for about five minutes. And then…I closed my browser. I put away my laptop. And I went to bed. And I don’t really feel like going back.
It turns out my Facebook addiction was just a (really) bad habit. By interrupting the habit, I might have broken the cycle. I won’t quit Facebook completely — all those things I love about it haven’t changed. But now that I know I can go without it entirely, it seems easy to limit myself to just checking in, say, twice a week. Wish me luck!